Surprised by Grace: A Cure for Gospel Confusion
I remember as a young mom falling into my bed at night, bone tired from the demands of mothering four children of assorted preschool, toddler and infant ages, crying because of all the ways I knew I’d failed throughout the day. I was, admittedly, something of a perfectionist and I’d read enough parenting magazines and books to know for sure and for certain that I’d failed and failed miserably as a mom. I would cry myself to sleep, wake the next morning with renewed determination, only to blow it yet again most days by 7 am.
It was a vicious cycle of my own determination, defeat and depression, a cycle that has played itself out in a variety of forms and fashions throughout my life, perhaps yours as well. What brings hope to a desperate young mom overcome by weariness, weighted down with all that has been entrusted to her? Truly there is no end to the suggested remedies, from more me time to a pedicure. No matter how I tried to make myself feel better, I was haunted by the fact that I could not do this.
I still am, if I am honest. Oh, I get plenty of sleep these days—teenagers and tweenagers have a nice habit of sleeping through the night, yes and amen—but still, I am often overwhelmed and still, I get caught up in trying so hard and failing so miserably. What I need to remember, what I needed as a young mom, what you need as you face the demands of your life, is the gospel.
I appreciate that Tullian Tchividjian begins his book Surprised by Grace with the reminder that “the gospel is not just for non-Christians but also for Christians.” It’s for moms of preschoolers who think they will never live through it, it’s for moms of teenagers who are confident they won’t. My desperation and my realization that I cannot do and be all that I ought and should—not just as a mom but as a wife, as a homemaker, as a Bible teacher, as a believer—my inadequacy is a trumpet call to remember the gospel! Jesus Christ saves sinners, not those who are perfectly able to handle life on their own, thankyouverymuch, but those who can’t…
Even though I have been saved by grace, God’s unmerited favor, I forget that I am saved by grace. As Tchividjian writes,
“the gospel doesn’t just ignite the Christian life; it’s the fuel that keeps Christians going every day. Once God rescues sinners, his plan isn’t to steer them beyond the gospel but to move them more deeply into it. After all, the only antidote to sin is the gospel—and since Christians remain sinners even after they’re converted, the gospel must be the medicine a Christian takes every day. Since we never leave off sinning, we can never leave the gospel.”
Good news, indeed!
You may wonder why a book about Jonah, that reluctant Old Testament prophet swallowed by a big fish, would begin with the gospel of Jesus Christ. The truth is that God’s grace to unworthy rebels, the gospel, is evident throughout Jonah’s story. We hope you’ll read Surprised by Grace along with us as we glory in “God’s relentless pursuit of rebels.”
Determination, defeat and depression…that IS the cycle. And, you’re absolutely right, none of the suggested remedies are real remedies. Sometimes they only help to compound guilt (especially the remedies that require me to spend money on myself or time all by myself — those always cost someone something). Pretty fingernails aren’t going to help me NOT sin. If I’m honest, I’ll confess that my sin is my biggest issue that ruins my day. Instead, it’s easier to say, “Oh, I guess I just need some me-time.” I wonder what would happen if I said, “Please pray for me right now. My sin is destroying my family. I hurt my husband, I hurt my children, because I’m selfish. You can buy me a manicure if you think it’ll help, but I’ll be honest, it won’t help me a bit. In fact, it will cause me another headache because I’ll have to find a sitter, I’ll have to schedule it and re-schedule my day. Just forget the manicure; instead, you can pray earnestly for me.” But who has time to pray earnestly for someone else? I don’t know many people who would do that.
I completely agree. When I am faced with the ugliness of my sin, in my flesh I am tempted toward self denial and self indulgence in a pitiful attempt to make myself feel better or at least to forget the problem for awhile. It doesn’t work, and like you said, only serves to make me feel worse. Sin is my biggest problem! And the only remedy for my sin is the gospel. Repentance is messy. It’s uncomfortable. It is humiliating. But it is also the good work of a faithful God; it is His kindness to me that brings me to repentance! What grace! What freedom!
Oh, to have the kind of humility that would freely confess my need to others and to have the kind of love for others that would prompt me to intercede on their behalf just as you described in your comment… Rare, indeed…
So what great big ugly sin are you people committing, that you think you are such failures? After you have accepted JESUS as your Savior you are NO longer a sinner. Read the BIBLE! JESUS plainly makes a destinction between sinners and believers. If you are in the throes of some terrible sin–adultery, stealing, murder, etc. then repent and thank the LORD for HIS saving Blood. If you confess your sin, JESUS is faithful to forgive and cleanse you. You sound like you have not received HIS saving grace. If you have been born again, then why are you living under such condemnation?
I don’t yet have children, but I do have a husband and even before I was married I saw this pattern in my own life (with friends, with parents, with siblings). It’s so easy to think that indulging will make it all better because it makes me feel better temporarily so I sometimes, at least, act better. But you’re right – realistically it does nothing at all.
Reading comments from other Christians who feel this way is encouraging to help press onward toward finding the Gospel as the cure, and I love the idea of getting others to pray instead of trying, trying, trying harder to mortify my own sin. I wonder if there are ways our churches could encourage us in this much needed break from the cycle?
Christians are not supposed to stay in that cycle!
“Come to ME, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take MY yoke upon you and learn from ME, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For MY yoke is easy and MY burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
FATHER GOD, I ask that YOU give to Leslie the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of who she is in CHRIST. Open the eyes of Leslie’s understanding so she will know what are the riches of the glory of YOUR inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of YOUR power toward us who believe, according to the working of YOUR mighty power. I thank you FATHER for CHRIST in Leslie, strengthening her. In JESUS’ Name, amen.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we felt safe enough to come out from behind our masks long enough to confess our sin? That we, like Luther, would realize we’re simultaneously justified and sinful.? Perhaps we could learn to extend grace to ourselves and to others.
Great post, Lisa…and great responses!
It’s the gospel that frees us to remove the mask (before God and our brothers and sisters-in-Christ). The gospel offers security because I know that no-matter-what I am accepted by God. And it helps me open up with other believers for the same reason. I think that’s why it’s so refreshing to be around those friends of mine who realize that: they grasp the grace they’ve been given and they extend grace to others. We can be honest with one another about our struggles and encourage one another with scripture, the gospel in particular.
This past Sunday, our pastor said that the church the only place in which a person must first admit he is a sinner before he can become a part of the fellowship. After admitting that we’re messed up people, why, then, do we start acting like we’ve got our lives all together? That fresh taste of grace wears off…
I think most christians are just ignorant of the difference grace is supposed to make in their lives. They haven’t really thought about grace outside of it being their “ticket” to Heaven.
Well said. I was just thinking this morning how remembering the gospel–and realizing I am nothing and have nothing apart from grace–is a powerful antidote to pride. How can I indulge any sense of superiority in light of what I deserve–hell–and what I have received–the righteousness of Christ?
I’m glad you all are writing here. I think I need to read the book you’re discussing. I also think I have a long way to go to better understand the gospel and live in the light of it. I agree so much that truly understanding it and pondering the grace I’ve been given is a powerful antidote to pride. How I need that lesson every single day!
Looking forward to reading this book with all of you! I can so identify with your feelings of motherhood inadequacy, and love the connection to our inadequacy in all areas, and our desperate need for Jesus and for the gospel!
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